This poem was written as part of a writing exercise/prompt with the topic, “Odd Love”. Please refer to the picture while reading the poem. Thank you!

This picture was clicked in a zoo in Thailand.

This picture was clicked in a zoo in Thailand.

I try to hold her fingers when she wriggles them away,
I try to touch her arm as people pay,
She yells out in fright when I show my teeth,
A camera flashes as she shudders beneath.

I wonder if I forgot to use my tooth brush today morn,
But I’m too tired to think, I’m lovelorn,
Curious if she is scared of my thinning red hair,
Sweetheart, hair fall is not fatal, it just needs care.

I am but a lover open in the zoo and caged in her dreams,
I am like my trainers’ cap, bursting at the seams,
I am enjoying posing for a photograph with this young lady,
If she would just stop running and hold steady.

Identity.

Posted: April 3, 2014 in Love.

I need you the way a rainbow needs colours.
I need you the way a bookshelf needs books.
I need you the way compulsions need obsessions.
I need you the way tears need emotions.

You need me the way humans need an identity.


Being one of those typical Indian students, I was expected to decide my career stream at the age of 15. Science, Commerce or Humanities, I was asked everywhere I went. Of course, people subtly let me know which one of the three I should opt for, before telling me that at the end of the day, it’s my decision. Because apparently, “it’s my life”. Well, I did end up deciding.

Studying.

I chose to study Humanities, a combination of subjects that would interest or haunt me for the next two years. It’s been only ten months and I think I’m already in love with what I’m studying. Psychology, Sociology, Economics, English Literature and Business Studies feel like the heaven of knowledge. They feel like my way to cope with reality.

However, I see my friends who opted for subjects that lie far from their interests. I see the society pressuring them to opt for what looks better on their CV, than what makes their heart sing. I see most of them crumbling under the pressure of learning what they don’t wish to.

Here I am, one of the privileged few. I feel grateful for making the right choice. I wish the same opportunity could be given to more people.


There are some bad days. Days when I think you are not you, days when I think another soul has taken over your body. They are the gloomiest of days, days when twenty-four hours seem like a long time to pass, yet a short time to hear you out. A never-ending story comes out between weeps and sobs as you rest your head in the space between my shoulder and neck; none of us worried about my partially tear-soaked shirt.Image

There are some bad days. Days when you see nightmares in front of your eyes, that on other days is full of twinkle. The very same eyes that bore into mine, piercing my flesh. Lately, your lips murmur things that are planets apart from a word of thanks, yet so close to a prayer. They are the dullest of days, days when the hands of the clock seem to be running like a tortoise. An outburst of cries takes place right before me; none of us worried about the tears falling all over my books.

There are some bad days. Days when it’s difficult to believe that colours apart from black exist, days when it feels like you’re a top spinning around continuously, almost about to lose your balance and I am the witness unable to do anything. They are the most purposeless of days. I can hear screams from the bathroom, diluted by the sound of the shower; none of us worried about who else might care.

There are some bad days. And we shall no more be the martyrs.

The Big Day.

Posted: October 27, 2013 in Teenage.

The big day is finally here. It feels quite strange to be saying that I’m sixteen years old, when I’m so accustomed to saying the word “fifteen” instead. It’s a reminder of the elusive passage of time. I feel like an era of my life is over and another one is about to start today. However, I do believe in remembering everything I learn as the years add up. It makes the process of “growing up” (read: aging) mean so much more. It makes me cherish the best 365 days of my life.

So, some things I learnt when I was fifteen are:

1. Growing up isn’t always a process. You just wake up one day, realize it’s your first day of eleventh grade and that you matured a little since last night.

2. You’ll never have as much time, energy or excuses for doing crazy things as than when you’re 15.

3. Food triumphs sleep. Always.

4. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.. or by it’s movie.

5. Chocoholics in this world, are just increasing by the day.

6. Different brands of pens can make your handwriting look different.

7. It is possible to turn into a nerd if you’re studying what you like.

8. Sometimes friendships fade away. In return, some other friendships grow stronger.

9. There are times when you can actually not hate your hair.

10. Crying + Watching Grey’s Anatomy = Crying worth it.

11. “Ghanta” is a good response to any statement.

12. If I could change my name, it’d be Madame Chocolatica.

13. Mumbai’s public transport isn’t that bad.

14. A new phone can make you look at life differently.

15. Birthday cakes are just a sugar-coated way of saying, “You’re an old woman now!”

16. I am a pro at unintentionally making a fool of myself.

17. The best way to show someone how much you hate them is to unfollow them on Twitter/Instagram the moment their follower count reaches a round number.

18. You can walk straight through hell with a smile.

19. Me, sharing my chocolates is an oxymoron. Kind of.

20. Most of the things in the universe is beyond our comprehension.


“Rule: You have to ignore your siblings in public unless they are hurt or otherwise in pain.” 
– Meg Cabot.

 “An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, keep the apple away.” *Wink*
– Some genius who probably watches Grey’s Anatomy for obvious reasons.

 “What nonsense! :P”
-Me. Standard dialogue. (Soon to be copyrighted)

“Make hay while the moon shines.” 
– Srikanth Ramakrishnan. (Who else is so stupid?)

 “There’s always a first time.” 
– Me, trying to get some innocent person to do something evil. ;)

 “The colour of love is red. The colour of danger is also red. Therefore, love = danger.”
 -Me. (I think)

 “Right back at ya!”
– Words that may turn into a song someday. Not sure how though.

 “Tell me something I don’t already know.” 
– Ms. Pretends-Like-She-Knows-It-All.

 “What are you waiting for? Christmas?” 
– My mom, when she wants me to stop procrastinating.

 “Its okay if you don’t trust me, I’m perfectly fine,
I’ve been untrue a lot to be genuine this time.”
– White lie, a poem by me.

 “Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so great when I stop.” 
– Meredith Grey.

 “Been there, done that.” 
– My response when someone tells me about their oh-so-sad life.

  “God has a weird sense of humor.” 
 - Hopefully not an atheist.

 “To each his own.” 
– My closing words during an argument.

*Chehra Hatheli*
– Invented by me, thanks to Srikanth Ramakrishnan’s lame jokes. (Which are getting lamer but funnier by the day)

 “Puh-leaze! *Rolls eyes*”
– Me, when I intend to act arrogant. (Which, by the way, happens once in.. Never)


I’m not normal. I’ve known that since like, 15 years now. No, I’m not a vampire or a fairy or a mermaid. I’m someone who just doesn’t think normally, act normally and definitely doesn’t feel normally. But this, this is not even an abnormal feeling. I think it’s a bit like the transition between a child and an adult.
 
What I’m experiencing right now, it’s strange feeling. It’s kind of like my favourite thing in the world, chocolate, but a poisonous one. I get to eat that brown little edible thing I’ve been yearning for. I get to taste it’s tempting flavour as soon as it touches my tongue. I feel it melting in my mouth, knowing that it’s the last thing I’ll ever eat. The poison is entering my body. The end is near. But I sacrifice my life for something I love.
 
It’s like I’m hanging on a rope. I’m not ready to let go of the rope because there’s some kind of pit beneath. I’m trying not to look down but I steal a few glances and I can see that it’s deep enough. So, I choose to hold on to the rope with all my might, hoping someone comes to save me soon enough.
 
The only problem is the fact that the rope is covered with thorns. They are pricking me. I’m hurting my fingers as I grab it tightly, just because I can’t imagine falling down that pit. My fingers are starting to bleed. If I don’t give in right now, I might just bleed to death. 
 
Basically, it’s a decision with equal pros and cons. I choose the love but it comes with sacrifice. I choose the rope but it comes with the sharp thorns. What will you choose?

Phases of Study.

Posted: February 17, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

My exams are just round the corner. These days, I spend the whole day drowning in the world of textbooks. This is a new feeling, considering that textbooks are my natural enemies. And whenever that happens, a series of events follows it. So, here, according to me, are the Phases of Study:

1. Take stroll around the room like a nomad, while trying to concentrate on the textbook, and discover things that you never knew existed in your very own bedroom.

2. Start feeling lazy, so choose to keep the book on the study table, sit down, make yourself cosy and comfortable and then read.

3. Sit on the bed while reading the book. This will be more comfortable. Throw in a rug, or quilt and feel as snug as a bug in the rug.

4. Lie down, sink in the pillow and read. This will also help you understand why the Titanic sank in the ocean.

5. Look up at the fan rotating above. It looks more interesting than the book. Calculate the velocity of the fan accurately to the 7th decimal point before realising that the Velocity is zero.

6. Start feeling drowsy. Drink something cold to keep yourself awake.

7. Give up on studying and go to sleep. Sleep with the book below your pillow hoping to adsorb knowledge.

This post was co-written by Srikanth Ramakrishnan (Sometimes known by the same name) and me. Srikanth can be reached on https://twitter.com/rsrikanth05.


Walking down the steps and searching for that face,
My eyes twinkle upon seeing that familiar smile in an unfamiliar place,
I walk towards him as I notice his hair shining in the sunlight,
Trying to look calm while my brain and heart pick up a fight.

“You’ve never done this before, this is all new”,
 my brain says,
But the heart knows that it was bound to happen one of these days,
Seeing no chance of success, the brain loses all it’s control,
The winner ensures that my body takes part in this irrationally as a whole.

All this time he’s been doing the talking as we walk down the street,
I wonder if he’s noticed the connection, the attraction, the sparks of heat,
My stomach is tightening, my feet shivering and my cheeks are glowing,
My body is experiencing a rush of adrenaline with a tinge of nervousness flowing.

Our fingers brush past each other, sending me into fits of confusion,
Does he really feel the way I feel, or is this an illusion?
He seems to be listening to my thoughts because he puts his arm around me,
I look into his dark eyes and end up believing that we’re meant to be.

I tune out all other sounds, only the melody of his voice fills my ears,
Hope he does not belong to someone else, my heart fears,
Well, he is too good to be true but I have been kept waiting for long,
Maybe I do deserve him, this time my desire is strong.

By now we reach the café and he’s the one to open the door,
Seems like he’s a true gentleman, something to die for,
But why care about ends? This is the start of something new,
It’s a blind shot at sharing something everlasting, something true.

With shy smiles spreading over our faces we share a coffee together,
But what was better was the touch we shared, light as feather,
He unlocked me out of a cage as he peeled away the walls I made,
He doesn’t know that by letting him do that, I’m breaking the rules I laid.

Exactly a year later, I’m at the same café, sipping on the same coffee,
But this time the whole place is abnormally quiet because it’s just me,
It’s a changed world now where there’s nothing to cherish anymore,
There’s no shinning hair, no melodious voice, there’s no one to open the door.

All that keeps me going is the hope that I see my beloved’s sight,
Because this love is multiplying by the day and getting painful by the night,
If only he could read my mind, he’d know about the things I can’t directly say,
He’d see what it’s like for me to be living this tragic September day.

Dear ex – best friend,

It’s been almost two years. You haven’t tried to talk to me, I didn’t initiate a conversation. I thought I was being strong but was immature enough to not know that friendship isn’t a competition. I thought I’d win and maybe you had the exact same thing in mind. But look what happened. We became known strangers, always ignoring each other and hoping to avoid the awkwardness. In the end, no one won but both of us lost. We lost our friendship.

We used to be so attached. Inseparable. Everyday was spent laughing in school, every night was spent talking on the phone, catching up on whatever little we missed. There was always something to discuss, always another joke we haven’t laughed on and we had all the time in the world to do all of that. That was before we drifted apart. I don’t know whether it was your fault or mine. I don’t know who was right. All I know is the fact that I miss you. I miss those times in class passing secret notes, I miss those chats like the teacher didn’t even exist, I miss getting punished in class and seeing you get intentionally punished just to give me company, I miss being caught staring at you, I miss knowing that you always have my back if anything ever went wrong, I miss getting hyper only to have you calm me down, I miss you doing silly things just to see me smile when I was feeling low.. And I could go on and on. But most of all, I miss the way my face lit up every time I saw you.

I just want to let you know that we can always go back to the way things were earlier. All it’ll take is a smile from you and we’ll be back to being friends. I hope I’m not asking too much from you.

Forever thinking about you (even when you’re not thinking about yourself),
Your ex – best friend and eternal well wisher.